Mungo McCrackas

Mungo McCrackas
Personal information
Full name	Mungo Gregory Peck McCrackas
Date of birth	7th September 1980 (age 28)
Place of birth	Clackpartridge, Scotland
Height	6'1"
Playing position	Forward
Club information
Current club	Heart of Clachmaninshire
Number	39
Senior career1
Years	Club	App (Gls)*
1999-	Heart of Clachmaninshire	430(0)
National team
?	Scotland B	1(0)
Teams managed
2009-	Heart of Clachmaninshire
1 Senior club appearances and goals counted for the domestic league only. * Appearances (Goals)

Mungo Gregory Peck McCrackas is a Scottish professional footballer who is currently the caretaker player-manger of Scottish league club Heart of Clachmaninshire.

In September 1998, Mungo was the Scottish Ludo champion. Although he may have been the one to win Scotland's gold medal in Ludo at the 2002 Commonwealth Games, fate chose another path as he skilful keepie-uppy with the die between games earned him the attention of Heart of Clachmaninshire manager Henny Jings and a trial at the club.

Despite showing poor finishing, which was put down to nerves, Mungo McCrackas was soon signed to Heart of Clachmaninshire after his contract demands (A 31 year contract consisting of the following terms; £190,000 per week, a guarantee to start every game up front if fit and a horse every year for 40 years) and compensation to the Olympic Ludo team (£47,000,000) were paid.

Club career

Heart of Clachmaninshire

As player

As of 2009, Mungo had failed to score a single goal in 427 consecutive starts and had managed to earn the ire of the Clachmaninshire faithful, as well as Clachmaninshire Bugle sports editor, Fleetwood McAlbatross. After failure to score in matches against 73rd Lanark and Old Boys Berne, Clachmaninshire attempted to replace him with footballing robot, the Goalinator, aiming to evade Mungo's contract terms first by injuring him and then by arranging a transfer to Sheffield Wensleydale.

These contract talks forced Mungo to miss his teams 41-0 victory over Clachnacuddin Bruce Forsyth before his return to Clachmaninshire (his transfer having fallen through due to his having only one lung, as well as a tin knee) prompted a penalty shoot out for a first team place, which Mungo won without scoring when the Goalinator kicked a mole.

After failing to score in his 430th game, against Edinburgh Fringe, Mungo was appointed caretaker manager of Heart of Clachmaninshire by highly indulgent chairman Sir Roddy Bulbs in an attempt to evade the drop.

As caretaker player-manager

After an abortive attempt to re-sign the Goalinator (and then to build one out of a fridge, a rake and a broom), Mungo engineered a 7-0 win over Glencoe Massacre with the use of pieces of card to boost team spirit, coupled with the inconsequential fact that he did not play in the game.

Mungo steered Heart of Clachmaninshire to survival when the team's final match against Twatshead Thistle was declared a 0-0 draw with the latter suffering a 2 points deduction and Clachmaninshire being docked 1 point, securing their survival on goal difference.

International career

Mungo McCrackas earned 1 cap for the Scotland B team, being brought on during a friendly against the United Arab Emirates. He likely did not score.

Personal Life

Mungo is a fond fan of jazz magazines and curry. He also appeared on a Question of Sport, an appearance which ended in several scraps with opposite team regular Andy Townsend due to his heavily scripted comments as regards Mungo's playing ability.

His favourite celebrities are Farrah Fawcett, Mollie Sugden and Michael Jackson. His favourite foods include breakfast in a tin, kippers and the perennial favourite, Irn Bru.

Heart of Clachmaninshire Staff
Chairman Sir Roddy Bulbs Club Secretary Walter Quaxalbert · Club Lawyer Renwick McDuck Manager Mungo McCrackas Assistant Manager Henny Jings Physiotherapist Douggie McSponge · Kitman Grover Jangles