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Goalinator
Goalinator
Personal information
Full name Goalinator
Date of birth 2009
Place of birth    Yokohama, Japan
Playing position Forward
Club information
Current club Heart of Clachmaninshire
Number 14
Senior career1
Years Club App (Gls)*
2009 Heart of Clachmaninshire 1(41)   

1 Senior club appearances and goals
counted for the domestic league only.
* Appearances (Goals)

Goalinator is a professional football playing robot who played for Scottish league club Heart of Clachmaninshire.

The Goalinator was the world's first fully-autonomous football-playing robot, developed over a period of 50 years by a team led by Doctor Bert Kawasaki of Yokohama University. Being programmed to score with any object remotely ball shaped, most people were forced to wear boxes on their head when in its vicinity.

The Goalinator was signed as a potential replacement for Mungo McCrackas.

Club careerEdit

Heart of ClachmaninshireEdit

The Goalinator's debut came when Mungo McCrackas underwent a medical at England team Sheffield Wensleydale, leaving him unable to play in Heart of Clachmaninshire's match against Clachnacuddin Bruce Forsyth. The Goalinator would score 41 goals in that game, leading to a 41-0 victory.

However, when McCrackas' transfer to Sheffield Wensleydale fell through, he and the Goalinator competed in a sudden-death penalty shoot-out to determine who would continue as the Clackers' lone striker. However, the sudden appearance of a mole led the Goalinator to score with the small, furry animal instead of the ball, giving McCrackas the victory (despite Mungo missing his own shot).

Despite being a robot, the Goalinator was allowed to play professionally as Scottish league rules only state that anything that can wear shorts can play. Thus continuing a long line of sports rule traditions where, especially in America, coaches can say things like "Show me where it says an elephant on rocket-skates CAN'T play baseball!"

Post careerEdit

Following his dismissal from the Clackers' squad, the Goalinator was returned to Japan. After Mungo McCrackas was appointed caretaker-manager of Heart of Clachmaninshire, they attempted to resign the robot only to be informed by Doctor Kawasaki that the Goalinator had been converted into a fridge (albeit a fridge with a blue plaque for sentimental reasons).

Heart of Clachmaninshire Squad
1 Rab "Flappins" McGinty · 2 Ted Grundies · 4 Chimchinerie Cheroo · 5 Angus McDangles · 7 Pedro Rabies · 10 Trumpeta · 11 Ralphy Tweed · 12 Lemuel Ache · 17 Egbert Guff
18 Fuggon Giltch · 32 Tony Pony · 39 Mungo McCrackas

Unknown Numbers: Eric Flush · Len Mellons · Asa Spades · Sid "Bisto" Nixon · Albert Striker · Jim Reaper · Ducky Norton

Former Players: 14 Goalinator · Jim "The Scarecrow" Pinkles · Stanley Fludgers

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